'Twas Christmas Day

[Arthur Dent]

'Twas Christmas Day on the forum,

As shepherds watched their flocks,

Not a face was seen in No Man's Land,

Also known as Chatterbox.

 

Nothing to raise the smallest of smiles,

Not even from the two bores,

One declaring "mine's cheaper by miles",

The other, "mine's bigger than yours!"

 

One was off on his hols in Spain,

A' sunbathing on his back,

Wearing a rubber suit he was...

...prepared for the next gas attack.

 

T'other was in his behemoth,

A 'queuing for the borne,

Vowing "next time to avoid these *****s...

...I'll get up at the crack of dawn".

 

The Judge was off to India,

But he woke up in a panic,

Can't be a very good plan, he thought,

Because it isn't Germanic!

 

Brian was still writing Christmas cards,

For the post they were overdue,

But why write only twenty words,

When two hundred and fifty will do?

 

Joe had had too many sprouts,

But he didn't really care,

As a result of his flatulence

He's now one foot in the air.

 

Mel was away for Christmas,

With Hubby in their static,

And far more tat in their PVC...

...Than most people keep in their attic!

 

The green archer might contribute

A concise phrase of protest,

In English of course, pretentious twit,

"Illiud Latine dici non potest"

 

Peter might drop in for a while,

I think he's making broth,

He'll give the pot a quick little stir,

And then he will be off.

 

To Whitby Peter James repaired,

He parked up on The Crescent,

Opening a plastic bag he found....

...a most unusual present!

 

Brambles might be here in a mo,

Along with a box of delights,

Unfortunately, he's been delayed,

Fixing the Christmas tree lights.

 

Tracker looked in earlier,

Then he had to be away,

He's got some second-hand books to sell,

And he's putting them on eBay.

 

LennyHB should be in here,

But he's a problem for the rhymer,

His opinion, though, resolves the riddle,

"There's nothing better than Hymer"

 

So here's a toast to absent friends,

Though maybe we shouldn't be grieving,

Some have pleased by their presence

But others by their leaving.

 

A Very Merry Christmas to All!

[mamma mia]

 

 

Brilliant. (lol)

 

 

Merry Christmas to you.

[Arthur Dent]

CliveH would like to apologise,

But following Frank W's homily,

Instead of giving us "financial advice"

He's spending more time with his family.

 

Dave (Diamond) is also absent today,

He's not gone to spend a penny,

The repeated mentions of gas attacks,

Just proved to be one too many!

 

Jeremy is possibly watching afar,

I'd like to do him over,

Thanks to him and his dear old Mum,

No more overnight parking at Dover!

 

Gwen looks in from time to time,

Though her presence is sadly limited,

I think she finds the Chatterbox boys,

Rather too "uninhibited".

 

Stuart has joined us recently,

That's Stuart with the "O",

I think he's trying to out-Frank Frank,

But he's still got a long way to go!

 

Antony sprinkles his charm about,

On subjects many and various,

Very few post ever make much sense,

But he seems to think they're hilarious.

 

Malc D will be along in a bit,

Bringing his sense of humour,

A requirement for life in the North East,

(Or is that only a rumour?)

 

With liberal smileys to show I'm only joking.

 

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

[Tracker]

Well done, I've well and truly been outpoemed

 

but consider them others you left all behind

 

and work on it just a wee bit longer

 

and get all of the b####rs so rhymed

 

 

Such shame for anyone missed

 

from the forum's great poetry list

 

perhaps it's because of the red wine

 

or are you really just ...................

 

 

 

Happy Christmas and thinks for lightening up the forum.

 

 

[antony1969]

Very well done Mr Dent , very funny x Happy Christmas sir

[Guest peter]

Magic. :D

[pkc]

 

Outstanding!

[Gwendolyn]

Arthur Dent - 2014-12-21 9:54 PM

 

 

Gwen looks in from time to time,

Though her presence is sadly limited,

I think she finds the Chatterbox boys,

Rather too "uninhibited".

 

 

I do look in from time to time -

And reluctantly have concluded:

The Chatterbox Boys proclaim their wit

But,sadly, are deluded.

 

Gwen [aka Ford Prefect]

 

[Geeco]

In the UK when it's cold outside

the motorhomers stay warm at home

better a few words than go for a ride

lots of banter to catch a smile

rhyme runs freely across the land

covering all they like to rile

here in OZ we travel to the coast

find a cool site to wait for Santa

raise our glass & propose a toast

to the forum we have enjoyed the most

the advice banter & jest

will bring me back after a rest

Seasons greetings one & all.

 

[Arthur Dent]

Gwendolyn - 2014-12-21 11:26 PM

 

I do look in from time to time -

And reluctantly have concluded:

The Chatterbox Boys proclaim their wit

But,sadly, are deluded.

 

Gwen [aka Ford Prefect]

 

bl**dy prefects, spoil all the fun ;-)

 

========

 

There'll soon be a few more people here,

With Rupert in the van,

...breaking news, there's some mistake,

It's a coachbuilt for that man.

 

Bringing their aires and graces,

Soon we'll hear Robertandjean,

Biarritz, Carcasonne, they go on and on,

....makes me want to shout something obscene.

 

Nick F's the man to diagnose your 'van,

But sometimes we cause him sorrow,

Don't worry, Nick, if you've got it wrong.

We can Fix It Again Tomorrow.

 

Derek's currently on the web,

Researching a query or two,

I'm sure he'll get the correct result,

With the resources of GCHQ.

 

Symbol Owner might be around,

But according to the logs,

He hasn't been here for quite a while,

'Cos the forum has gone to the dogs.

 

Colin L won't be along,

He's feeling rather queer,

As the result of a spelling mistake,

He tried to drink his bear.

 

....and with apologies to A A Milne....

 

One-footed Joe has a mouth like a po,

And a Rapido full of surprises,

His main forum role, or so it would seem,

Is to lead a crusade against Isis!

 

....it's getting harder ;-)

 

 

[mamma mia]

So are the Frosts, Arthur. ;-)

[Guest pelmetman]

So who is Arthur Dent?

With his satirical bent

A regular lurker

But why the virtual burqa?

 

No need to hide your bushel

So come out of your shell

Confess who you are

A new poetic star

 

If no confession

I'll go on a mission

Remember I have form

On this forum

 

Think I'll start with the search facility

Maybe the words hitchiker & galaxy

Will enlighten this bore

I'll even the score >:-)

 

 

[malc d]

As I read

this thread

sat here

at home

I just wish

that I

could write

a pome.

 

 

Sadly

I don't have the time

and anyway

I can't make nuffink rhyme.

 

:-(

[Arthur Dent]

Don't give up, sad little man,

...as for not rhyming "nuffink",

Given your record of humour on here,

I think you might be bluffink.

 

;-)

[Will86]

I'm delighted be sure

and quite all agog

at the poems today

whilst I'm sat on the bog

 

But I must be away

to do household chores

like milking the cows

and feeding the boars

 

I'll be back as they say

when the seasons all done

after turkey and stuffing

no doubt feeling glum

 

[Will86]

T'was Arthur Dent

who has a bent.

To rid us of his lengthy rent

a message he has sent.

 

A person famed be sure

with words embraced and pure

entices all with great allure

his gentleness is quite demure.

 

Perhaps he is, just like us lot

who warmly rise to any plot

with chance to cast a hasty blot

on those who think they own a lot !

 

[malc d]

Mr. Dent has certainly made an impression.

 

 

:-|

[Gwendolyn]

So Arthur Dent has made his mark

By observing Forum threads

A poetic genius has emerged -

Look how his talent spreads.

 

The cry went up, "Who is this man?

Reveal yourself if you would."

Meanwhile I'll hazard a cheeky guess -

I think he's Robinhood.

 

signed,

Zaphod Beeblebrox

 

[Tracker]

Your alias does not fool me Gwen and every time I see your name it now conjours up an image of Tricia Marie McMillan, also known as Trillian Astra - as portrayed by Sandra Dickinson!

 

Sorry but you can't be Zaphod because you are not two faced - but I know someone else who could be!!

 

It's hard not to see Stuart as Jeltz though - or his son Constant Mown - and I am sure that they would appreciate the sheer beauty of this proper poetry!!

 

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly,

Thy micturations are to me

As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.

Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,

And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts

With my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"

 

 

All meant in the nicest possible taste of course!!

 

 

[Guest pelmetman]

Arthur Dent is Throbbing Hood?

As if he would

He prefers to do his ranting

In ancient Greek or is it Latin

 

Although the forum is agog

At this new top couplet dog

He hides his persona

In the hitchhikers zona

 

Maybe he's really a Paranoid Android

With a bad case of hemorrhoids

When they're a really itchen

He clearly enjoys our bitchin..............

 

 

 

[antony1969]

Robin Hood .. Robin Hoods offended me again

Robin Hood .. Robin Hood could be nice but when ?

Uses words from the French but English ones he could ?

Of course he should .. Of course he should .. Of course he should

 

 

[Tracker]

I don't suspect Robin Hood - he wasn't rude enough about me!

 

Maybe it is Frank or Gwen - both known for their class and culture?

[Arthur Dent]

So Gwen has been the first to guess -

- at the man of Latin letter,

Well Robinhood might be quite good,

But believe me, I am better!

 

Now RogerC is a military man,

Whose posting style just doesn't suit me,

I think I might just have to buy him a drink,

Or else he might try to shoot me!

 

I see Donna Miller's back on the board,

I believe she may be a trucker,

Her Avatar may be misleading to some,

Who've said that they'd like to meet her.

 

(sorry) :$

 

 

[nowtelse2do]

Tis not I 8-)

 

Half a Bent Dave

[Guest peter]

Arthur Dent - 2014-12-22 8:50 PM

 

So Gwen has been the first to guess -

- at the man of Latin letter,

Well Robinhood might be quite good,

But believe me, I am better!

 

Now RogerC is a military man,

Whose posting style just doesn't suit me,

I think I might just have to buy him a drink,

Or else he might try to shoot me!

 

I see Donna Miller's back on the board,

I believe she may be a trucker,

Her Avatar may be misleading to some,

Who've said that they'd like to meet her.

Which they did, and to their surprise.

She looked like an east end docker.

(sorry) :$

 

:D